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Smoke This!
Apr. 14th, 2006 05:16 pmOkay, I'm officially strung out on Theraflu and stir crazy like nobody's business, left the house once in the last few days to go to the Chinese pharmacy on Lake City Way, and now I'm sucking down Chuan Xin Lian and Lu Shu Wan like it's candy, and since my brain ain't right right now, I'm gonna vent about stupid shit. Like those stupid billboards of big eyed dollies eating small bloody creatures with the sentence underneath: "Kissing a smoker is just as gross." Seriously now, all you non smokers out there, would you rather kiss a hot smoker, or go down on a bloody rotting squirrel? Let's scrape up some road kill and do a test. Set up a booth. I'll sit there all done up like a tough talkin' 40's siren, curled up hair, bedroom eyes and red lips and chain smoke Dunhills and you have to decide: Kiss me? or munch road kill.... you make the call... And if you choose the road kill you have to totally smoosh your face in it. Just like the doll on the billboard. Raaar. Suck those squirrel guts.
Yeah. I thought so.
Also, no one is allowed to tell me that kissing a smoker is just as gross as eating a dead squirrel or licking an ashtray, unless they can tell me in all honesty that they've done those things. I've kissed a lot of smokers, but I've never eaten roadkill or even just plain licked an ashtray. Why the fuck would you lick an ashtray anyway? What kind of a sick fuck are you? That's ash. The good stuff's already gone. And you don't lick it... you fucking smoke it. Moron.
You know... I personally don't like kissing non-smokers. They taste too much like people and people are gross. Too fucking salty. I mean, ick. Straight saliva. Nasty. Tobacco kind of mellows out the flavor and gives it a bit of a tangy effect. And it comes in different flavors, depending on the tobacco of choice. Anything from nutty to vanilla, to the slight flavor of crayons that I swear is in American Spirits that no one else seems to notice. I guess I'm the only little kid that ever stuck crayons in her mouth. Now throw a little hint of scotch on the breath along with the tobacco, and I'll be all over that for hours. MMMM.... But I digress... That's probably just me. But yeah, there's multiple flavors of tobacco and saliva's just kind of.... eh. Bland. Saliva-like. Eat some freaking garlic or something. You kiss your momma with that mouth? Don't you be comin' at me like you don't understand the drive to pollute yourself... But I ain't touching you if you have squirrel guts in your teeth either. You fucking self-righteous freak.
And whatever happened to pictures of black lungs and emphysema tanks and tracheotomies, decaying fetuses...? Is a doll eating roadkill the best you can do? You need a better ad rep cause yours sucks.
Sheesh.
This rant brought to you by the creeping crud, an intermittent fever, the makers of Theraflu, and Dunhill Tobacco of London Limited.
Yeah. I thought so.
Also, no one is allowed to tell me that kissing a smoker is just as gross as eating a dead squirrel or licking an ashtray, unless they can tell me in all honesty that they've done those things. I've kissed a lot of smokers, but I've never eaten roadkill or even just plain licked an ashtray. Why the fuck would you lick an ashtray anyway? What kind of a sick fuck are you? That's ash. The good stuff's already gone. And you don't lick it... you fucking smoke it. Moron.
You know... I personally don't like kissing non-smokers. They taste too much like people and people are gross. Too fucking salty. I mean, ick. Straight saliva. Nasty. Tobacco kind of mellows out the flavor and gives it a bit of a tangy effect. And it comes in different flavors, depending on the tobacco of choice. Anything from nutty to vanilla, to the slight flavor of crayons that I swear is in American Spirits that no one else seems to notice. I guess I'm the only little kid that ever stuck crayons in her mouth. Now throw a little hint of scotch on the breath along with the tobacco, and I'll be all over that for hours. MMMM.... But I digress... That's probably just me. But yeah, there's multiple flavors of tobacco and saliva's just kind of.... eh. Bland. Saliva-like. Eat some freaking garlic or something. You kiss your momma with that mouth? Don't you be comin' at me like you don't understand the drive to pollute yourself... But I ain't touching you if you have squirrel guts in your teeth either. You fucking self-righteous freak.
And whatever happened to pictures of black lungs and emphysema tanks and tracheotomies, decaying fetuses...? Is a doll eating roadkill the best you can do? You need a better ad rep cause yours sucks.
Sheesh.
This rant brought to you by the creeping crud, an intermittent fever, the makers of Theraflu, and Dunhill Tobacco of London Limited.
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